Why are these women so happy?

When I was looking for clip art of a woman cleaning a stove for my last blog, I discovered that, by and large, most of the photos which feature women cleaning show really happy smiling women doing a multitude of chores.  Cleaning a toilet has never made me as happy as the woman on the left.  In fact, I can’t think of a time when I beamed at the toilet brush.

Nor have I ever danced and sung with the mop.  

My thought is that I’m not doing housekeeping correctly.   I don’t smile while cleaning.  I have always considered it a chore, one to be approached only when one cannot get through the hallway or the odor threatens to asfixiate all inhabitants.   Although I don’t hate loading the dishwasher and hate washing clothes less than that, I cannot think of a single household chore I like–much less one that makes me smile or dance.  In fact, about the only way I get through them is by having the television on so I don’t have to notice I’m cleaning

Which brings me to this question:  what do you do to make housekeeping fun?   I mean, while sober.   

Thank you.

Passion

I hate using sports as a metaphor for life:  it’s too easy and too cliched.  On the other hand, I love sports, watch every minute of the Olympics I can find, buy packages for our cable service for college basketball, watch live events on my computer.   Many years ago, before we could get University of Louisville basketball games on cable, my husband and I drove around Big Spring, Texas, searching for the clear channel coverage from nearly two-thousand miles away.

So, I rationalize.  I do NOT use sports as metaphors for life.  I use sports as EXAMPLES of just about anything.

For example:   Last year, when American gymnast Sam Mikulak dismounted from a  routine, he hit the mat so hard he broke both ankles. This year, he competed for and made the US Olympic team.  That is  PASSION! He must love gymnastics and competition to return to the sport which caused him such pain and months of rehab.   On top of that, his ankles never had time to completely recover so there’s always pain, always the chance his ankle will go out.

Is there anything you love that much? Not me. Two broken ankles and I’m pretty much over that.  Actually, a sprain would discourage me.

Well, that’s not completely true.   I love to write.  Because of scoliosis, sitting at a desk can be painful.   I prop myself up on a pillow in a comfortable chair and have a jerry rigged foot rest–a pillow on  top of a box–to lift my feet.    Recently we purchased a wonderfully comfortable and supporting  reclining chair with ottoman where I edit.  Due to carpal tunnel, I have an ergonomic keyboard, a mouse pad with a soft  cushion for my wrist, and a couple of wrist braces.  And still I hurt but I have to write!  I tell people I write so I don’t have to clean the oven and that’s partly true.  I have no passion for wiping down counters or vacuuming but I do for writing.  

What is your passion?  What do you love to do more than anything else? 

Do you know Miss Birdie?

Although many readers have told me they know the real Miss Birdie, one of the main characters in the Butternut Creek series, they’re wrong.   She was inspired by many women in various churches from Kentucky to Texas and many states in between.   I believe nearly every church has one. 

Do YOU know a Miss Birdie?  If you do, please tell me about her.  What are the identifying characteristics of a Miss Birdie?  

Craft Tuesday: Query letter Part 2A

 You’ve got your list of editors/agents who are interested in what you write, so let’s start the letter.  When you submit a query,  what better place to to prove your talent and professionalism than with  a well-written letter?          

The letter should be only one page long.  Publishing professionals are very busy people.  Send a one-page query with lots of white space on it, and they’ll probably glance at it.   Send either a two page query or a one-page letter with narrow margins and they’ll probably think, “I don’t have time for this.”   

The query letter will contain three paragraphs and a closing.  This format is true whether in a written letter or an email. 

PARAGRAPH ONE:   Introduce the proposal   

1.            Mention if you’ve met this editor/agent before and/or if this was requested.      

a.            Start with a hook, a  concise, one-sentence tagline for your book. It’s meant to hook your reader’s interest, and wind them in.  Think of description of programs in TV Guide or something like a short blurb that would be used on the back of your book.

My favorites were lines that had started my thinking about  books but I had to cut from the novels because  they didn’t fit once I’d written the book. 

From The Path to Love:    “Francie Calhoun met Jesus and the devil on the same day”

From Second Chance Bride:  “Annie MacAllister buried herself in the hills of central Texas  one warm October afternoon.”

Some great hooks are descriptions of your book as a combination of popular themes or plots like King Kong meets The Black Knight.    This is probably how Abraham Lincoln:  Vampire Hunter  started.

Used a marketing idea you know is popular with the line you’re targeting:  cowboy, hidden baby, vampire, amnesia, etc.   This shows you have done your research.

If you can’t think of a hook, just give the information and move on:  Tootsie’s Terrible Trek is a humorous 100,000-word contemporary novel set in Chicago.

b.            ADD the reason you chose this editor:   “I have read many novels in your Twinkle-Toes series and believe this would fit well.”  “This story is targeted for the Twinkle Toes line.”  Again, this shows you’ve done your homework  and are targeting this editor and line. 

With an agent, mention exactly why you’re approaching him/her.  Compare your book with others they have  represented in the past.  For example, “Because I know you like novels set in Chicago, I would like you to consider representing this book.”  Or,  “I read many novels by your client Tasmin Butler.”

c.            The first paragraph MUST include:  word count,  line, type of book. 

d.            You may mention a main character if needed for the hook as I did with Francie Calhoun and Annie MacAllister.    You might use, “When Annie Smith discovers her fiancé . . . .

If necessary in the hook, you may mention time or place but that information is probably better in the second paragraph. 

Either here or in the final paragraph, for an editor, you may mention if complete (I never did because they usually weren’t).  For AGENT, the manuscript must be complete.

I’m often asked, “Should I mention if this is a part of a series?   I always answer, “Why?”  I believe it’s best to choose the best book you have for this line/editor/ agent and try to sell this ONE.   If the editor likes this one, mention the rest.  If not, why would he/she care about more?  An agent may like fact you’re prolific but an editor might think you haven’t been successful if you’ve completed a couple of books and haven’t  sold one.

However, I’m also told that today editors are looking for a series.  When I sold The Welcome Committee of Butternut Creek, I had only vague ideas for a second and third book.  Amazingly, my editor gave me a three-book contract without even asking about the second or third.  know if I had even a tiny idea of the other books. 

This means, I don’t know if you should mention this is a series.  I’ll leave that up to you.

PARAGRAPH TWO:           This should be a SHORT synopsis, only a few sentences.  You should be sending a synopsis with the query.  If the editor/agent wants to know more, you’ve enclosed that. 

For a reason I’ve never understood, you must use all PRESENT TENSE—or almost all.  There will be some thoughts that don’t work well in present tense, but attempt to do that.

Do not end the short synopsis without wrapping the plot up.  “You’ll just have to buy the novel to find out what happens next” will make the editor toss the letter in the REJECT basket.   “After they escape, Matt and Tootsie declare their love.”

Show your voice through word choice.   If you write humor,  instead of, “The two women traveled through France,”  write, “The two women wreaked havoc on Western Europe” or “Millie and Sara danced their way from Paris to Cannes.”    

Make sure you set the mood and the time.  “In a fetid swamp in seventeenth century Louisiana. . . ”

Show the conflict that will carry the book.  I  “When shy Ann Smith meets the flamboyant Pookey Reynolds–”   “After a hard life as a mod hit man Bob  Benson discovers the woman of his dreams is a cop (nun). . .”  Sketch in conflict but you have no room to explore in this paragraph. 

Use few names because they’ll need explanation and you don’t have room.  Instead of Mary Davis, Bob’s boss, use “mob boss”. 

Here’s an example of the second paragraph, one I just and very quickly wrote about my first book, The Mad Herringtons.  Look it over.  What works here?  What doesn’t?  What’s missing?  Learn from it and write a better one!

“During the glittering Regency period, Aphrodite, the eldest and most level-headed of The Mad Herringtons,  attempts the impossible task of controlling  her headstrong younger siblings who seem determined to misbehave.   Before she is able to announce her engagement to the reliable Frederick, she must meet his mother.  For that reason, she and two sisters attend a house party at Frederick’s  estate.  When they arrive, she finds Warwick, the rake whose kiss she has not been able to forget, is also a guest.  As they present Midsummer Night’s Eve for the house party, Aphrodite discovers she truly is a Mad Herrington finds happiness with Warwick.”

See you in August for information about the next two paragraphs

Tomorrow is CRAFT TUESDAY

The first Tuesday of each month, I present a blog on the craft of writing.   I do this because many of my friends are writers.  However, I blog on this topic only once a month because many are not!

The first topic is on query letters.   Tomorrow is Part Two which covers the first two paragraphs of the query letter.  

Hope you’ll drop by! 

What’s the stupidest thing you’ve seen?

Here’s my candidate for the title of stupidest act I’ve seen, at least recently: 

When we were driving home from church Sunday, there was a traffic jam on a divided residential road bordered by apartments.   Looking ahead, we could see a truck with a flat bed trailer had pulled out on the street and stopped, sticking out over the two lanes of traffic nearly to the curb on the other side of the street.   We waited, not very patiently because patience isn’t one of our many virtues, and grumbled a bit.  Finally the driver turned.  Slowly, slowly, he headed down the street followed by  the trailer.  Immediately, the truck pulled over to the right side of the road followed by a car–also driving very slowly–with blinkers on and another car with blinkers on, all going very, very slowly. 

The procession confused us until George pulled around into the left lane and passed the last two vehicles.   The flatbed of the truck was filled with furniture which came up the the two-feet rails of the bed.  Obviously, someone in the caravan was  moving.   The movers had placed a bookcase on the top of the flat load of furniture.  It lay above the rails and was not tied down in any way.  Then I saw him.  A man tottered on the narrow back edge of the flatbed with nothing to hold onto because the rails were too low.   His mission was to keep the bookcase from sliding out.  

When we watch America’s Funniest Home Videos–much of which is men doing manly stuff that ends up with great crashes and probably greater pain–I ask my husband, “Don’t they even think of the law of physics?”  Obviously they don’t, especially the one about an object in motion staying in motion.

ELEMENTARY PROBLEM OF PHYSICS:  What happens if one stands on the back edge of a flatbed balancing a six-shelf bookcase which is not tied down and the truck stops.    Answer:  the bookcase will slide backward, hit one, throw one off the back of the flatbed, and land on top of one.

We pass them quickly and headed home because we couldn’t stand to watch that unfold.

Have you seen a stupid act you’d like to share?  Love to hear them.

Shameless Self-promotion

At heart, I’m a shy, timid  soul.  Some of my friends–possibly every one of them–will not believe this; however, I’ve  always had trouble asking people to do something for me.    One example of many:  when I was a Brownie, I could not sell Girl Scout cookies.  The thought of going up to a neighbor’s door and asking them to buy a box terrified me.  Fortunately, my family liked cookies because we had  dozens during that time of year.   

And, yet, I find promoting my books very easy.  I think I may be able to play a part:  AUTHOR.  As author, I have no trouble handing out bookmarks to people I’ve never met, entering bookstores and introducing myself to staff, asking if I could blog on a site, or making any number of pushy requests.

But I believe I did my most shameless bit of  self-promotion a week ago.  As I’ve written, June 18th I had surgery on my droopy eyelids.  As the gurney I was on was shoved into  pre-op, I promoted my latest book to the anesthesiologist.   She seemed very interested.  Only wish I’d tucked a few bookmarks in the pockets of my hopsital gown.  

Can anyone top this?  (And please forgive any typoes.  I still cannot see well!)

Surgery + 3 days

I’d hoped I’d be better to see by now but still can’t write or watch much television and cannot read at all (so please excuse any spelling errors here) and I hate that!  I am a bookaholic.  Fortunately, my darling husband of forty-six years showed me the marvel of the talking Kindle.   Now I listen to my books.  The voice mispronounces words; for example,   chapel becomes chapelle, but it’s less boring.  I have convinced George that I cannot see well enough to cook or vacuum or load the dishwasher.  He knows I can.  He’s just to nice to mention it and he loves take-out.   I have increased font size on my computer so will be able to get some writing done today–thank goodness.  I have left Hannah and Gabe (book three:  The Wedding Planners) alone in the wreckage of the tornado and need to get them out.   

George took a picture of me a few minutes ago and I think the surgery turned out well although I’m not sure I’m happy with the lips.  What do you think?