Monthly Archives: January 2014

The Sound of Approval

Quilt005-450x600I love petting Scooter, my gorgeous long-haired tuxedo cat.   His fur feels like cashmere.  But  the greatest joy is that he purrs, loudly.    He makes me believe–true or not–that I’m the most important being in his life.  Then he leaps off my lap and scratches the furniture and bites his sister’s eaars.  Nonetheless, when I’m petting him, I’m sure we’re communicating.

I wish all beings made a sound which allowed me to understand their thoughts.  Oh, yes, I know many do and often loudly and crudely, but that’s not what I mean.  For example:

I wish those I cook for made a sound like “yummy, yummy” every time they enjoyed that meal or treat.  Of course, the echoing silence coming from them when chewing a dish they didn’t like might be a downside.

Wouldn’t it be great if a teenager made a positive sound when he/she happy studentsrecognized I’d done something right or good or helpful instead of that withering shrug.   Perhaps it would sound something like a dove,  a high pitched “Cool, cool, cool.”   Or, if that’s too much to expect, “Okay, okay.”  Just not, “Whatever.”

Or, perhaps, my boss–as he piled more work on my desk–might make a sound like, “Good job” or “Well done.”   Could be I’d work even harder.

As I think of this, I realize I too should make more positive sounds when something good happens.  Yes, I should actually give my approval in real words.   “Great” or “Thank you” or “I admire you”.

What do you think?

 

 

Scaredy cat

A question, Confession, Hysteria, Musings, , , ,

I’m always to impressed in a movie when people are held hostage and the hero says, “I’ll stay with you if you’ll let the women and children go.”    What a strong, compassionate–and just a little hot–man.

Heroes–like the teachers at Sandy Hook Elementary School who attempted to stop the gun man, who shoved children in closets, who took the shots to save the children from death–they were admirable, true heroes.  I’d like to be that strong.

But would I be like that?  Could I be so brave that I’d trade my life for the life of another person?    I always hope that if I were in such a situation, I’d step forward and speak to the hostage taker in such  soft, dulcet tones that I’d calm them or sing Amazing Grace with so much emotion that the person would realize the need to turnaway from the dark side.  Perhaps such loving foregiveness would shine in my face that  the criminal would suddenly recognize the need to change  his life.

I’d like to so but I’m not at all sure.

haunted barnMany years ago a fifth-grade student talked me in to going into a Haunted House around Halloween.   He promised me it would not be scary   (Hint:  never trust the word of a fifth grader about if anything is scary or not)  But I believed him and we went inside what was a converted barn.   I was just fine and not a bit frightened with the first few stops.  But then a cobweb-covered ghost lying in a casket sat up.  I knew very well this was a teenage kid wearing a costume.  I knew there was nothing supernatural here.   I understood all of this. frightened woman running Nevertheless, as soon as that ghost sat up, I screamed and ran, shoving  small children out of my way.  I pushed aside a sobbing little girl.  I reached the door first and rolled it open, never stopping in my panic.  In that moment I didn’t care if the ghost got everyone else as long as I made it out of the haunted house alive.  ( In the interest of accuracy, I must state I never looked like the picture on the right.)

I am filled with deep shame as I confess this.    But I still hope–given a chance–I have the courage to save an entire island from the heavily armed revolutionaries.   Yes, I could do that–as long as the action doesn’t take place in a haunted house.

Have you experienced any moments that showed a really admirable side of you?  Or, perhaps, a negative?  Please tell me–especially the negative side.  It would make me feel so much better.

 

 

I never know what day it is

A question, Church, Confession, ,

keep calm and what day is itSadly,  I never know what day it is.

I worked for many years in the mental health field.  One of the ways mental health workers use to see if a patient is oriented in time is to ask him/her what day it is.  I’d have flunked that because I might be within two or three days of the week but never knew the exact date.  I always feared if I ever were placed in a mental institution, I’d be kept until, somehow, I chanced to hit the day correctly.

Before I retired, I knew I worked Monday through Friday.  Therefore, if I was at work, it had to be one of those days.  I knew I went to church on Sunday.  Check.

But now that I’m retired, I don’t have anything constant in a week What day is it asked Poohexcept for Sunday.  My writers’ group used to meet on the second Tuesday.  Now, with our present meeting place and conflicts with scheduling, the date hops around.  Fortunately, the person I ride with knows when we meet and reminds me.  Thanks, Kristin!

Yesterday (which was Tuesday), I asked our associate minister when I could make a call on a member.  She said Tuesday and Thursdays are hard for her to make hospital calls.  So I told her, “I’ll make the call tomorrow,” which did not help her schedule at all.    Fortunately, she understands the tangle my brain can be.  I’m making the visit tomorrow–which is, I believe, Thursday.

I’ve set Tuesday as my main blog day but didn’t post yesterday because–you guessed it–I thought yesterday was Monday.  So here is the blog, a day late but here.

What do you forget?  I like to know.  It makes me feel I’m not alone.

No NYRs for me!

Uncategorized

imagesK441ETZRI haven’t made any New Year’s resolutions.   It’s January 10 and I have not confessed any of my bad habits and promised to do better because I know myself.  I won’t.

Gyms and the Y love the new year because people flood in to sign up forgym rat a membership to help them fulfill their resolution of exercising regularly and losing weight.   The regulars–yes, I was a regular at a place called Robin Lynn for three years before they went bankrupt but never looked like the woman in the photo–always allowed the newbies to fill the floor and machines in January because we knew they’d tire out and  we’d have the facilities back a few weeks.

I’m NOT putting down those committed people who make the swimming lapsresolution and keep it.  For me personally, it’s a little artificial to promise to do something on January 1.   Make the resolution when you know you’re going to keep it or feel very committed.    Every March, I resolve to swim in the pool in my complex and I keep that promise 3-6 times a week and keep that until it gets too cold.

What about you?  Did you make any resolutions?  Or did you not?  Please tell me.  I love to know.

Jessica Scott

Guest blogger, ,

 

Back-to-You-Pre-Launch-Blitz-1My dear and very talented friend JESSICA SCOTT has a new book–BACK TO YOU– coming out tomorrow.     I’m participating in the pre-launch blitz for that book.  If you haven’t read her novels, you can look forward to a great read.   She’s in the Army and, in my opinion, is the finest author of military fiction writing today.

Below is an interview with her sent to me by her publisher, Hachette, which is also my publisher but in a different imprint.

You first introduced Trent and Laura a few years ago and readers have been eagerly awaiting their story for a few years.  Did you always know when you first created them in BECAUSE OF YOU that this was how their story would play out? 

I knew they would have a story to tell but telling their story in this particular way, no I didn’t intend it. It took finding my amazing editor along with multiple attempts at trial and error to get them just right. I’m a nervous wreck about their story, but I’m also really excited because I’m very happy with how their story turned out. Plus, hamsters. Who can argue with that, right?

BACK TO YOU is the incredibly emotional story of a marriage at the breaking point.  What or who inspired you to write this story? 

I remember standing in the ops one day and one of the guys was on the phone with his wife. He was telling her how much he was sorry, how much he didn’t want to work late. Then one of the other guys remarked that he always says that but he doesn’t ever mean it. So I had this idea of a man who was so driven to get back to war that he let his entire family and personal life suffer, but I also wanted a wife who people could relate to as well. Laura is Trent’s perfect complement.

In your own personal life, you’ve been the soldier that has deployed to a war zone and the spouse that stayed home and has taken care of the family on the home front.  Which was more difficult for you in your experience?  And why?

That’s a much bigger topic than we have time for but I’ll say this: each one has its own unique challenges. Being deployed, not being able to get home when your kids are crying that they want mommy, that’s brutal. It rips your soul out. But then coming home and your reality doesn’t live up to the fantasy? In some ways I think it’s worse, and that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. As far as being the wife at home? I remember vividly lying awake at night, obsessively checking to make sure my ringer was turned on. I never cared when he called I just wanted to hear his voice. So which one is worse? I can’t really say. But I’m grateful that we’ve made it through each one a little bit stronger, you know?

Which is your favorite story to write—a reunion romances like Trent and Laura’s where each scene is alive with their own history or a fresh romance where they meet for the very first time and everything is new?  Why?

I love a reunion story. I love the idea of being able to forgive and love the person you’re with right then and not the memory of someone. I’m a huge sucker for reunion stories, honestly. I love the reconnection, the noting of how things have changed, of learning to love that person all over again, especially after a betrayal or things didn’t work in the past.

Trent is such a compelling character and you do a beautiful job of showing his survivor’s guilt and the resulting anxiety and fear that provokes in him.  He’s both so alpha and strong and so very broken.  What inspired you to create such a complicated hero?  A real life person?  A culmination of your own experiences?  What you’ve seen yourself in the army?  And were you at all concerned about the way readers would respond to him? 

Trent is going to be hard for people to read, I suspect. He comes close to crossing some boundaries, and I wanted to do that deliberately: I wanted people to understand that coming home from war isn’t cured in a day or a week. It’s a process. Someone like Trent who has bled in combat isn’t going to be okay after a night of magical sex. I know that’s the fantasy, but I wanted something more: I wanted the fantasy that the couple will be strong enough to make it. So for me, Trent is deeply, deeply personal because I’ve seen friends struggle with some very tough choices. And the truth is, there is no magical cure but there can still be a happily ever after if you have someone strong enough to stand with you.

Laura is such an amazing character because she’s done the best for her family at every turn and supported her husband.  But when all communication breaks down with her husband and he just keeps deploying, she serves her husband with divorce papers while he’s serving.  It seems like such a taboo to serve papers while your spouse is deployed—is that true?  And why did you choose to have Laura, the ultimate good wife, respond this way? 

Laura sending Trent divorce papers while deployed I think is the ultimate prohibition. It’s just wrong on so many levels, and yet I wanted to give readers a sense of what could drive someone to their breaking point. Laura is such a strong woman and yet she broke. The strongest of us all have our breaking points. I wanted to show people how hard the war has been on everyone—not just the soldiers deploying but on the kids, on the spouses—but I also wanted to give people hope, too.

Agent Chaos and Fluffy, the family hamsters, almost steal the show with their disappearing acts and they add the perfect amount of cuteness and comic relief.  What inspired you to add them into the story?

Ah Fluffy and Agent Chaos. So for readers who don’t know, we have hamsters. It all started when we volunteered to buy the pre-k class pet. I didn’t realize that this would include home visits for the holidays. Fluffy was the first hamster and she promptly escaped within the first 24 hours. After that, we’ve become a multiple hamster household and well, when they escape, it’s madness because we have dogs and cats who, by some miracle, haven’t actually ever managed to capture one of the little buggers.

This story badly needed something to lighten it up. I thought adding in some escaping rodents would be the perfect thing to break up a really tough interaction between Trent and his kids. They provided a bridge for him to cross, a way to reach them while he was still getting used to them.

Big wedding or small?  Hamsters or dogs?  Sweats or lingerie?

Small wedding. Both hamsters and dogs and cats. Sweats all the way.

Emma and Ethan, Trent and Laura’s kids, are adorable and watching Trent learn how to be a dad again is an amazing thing.  How do you think Trent got so detached from his family? 

Coming home to be a parent again is probably the hardest thing soldiers do. The kids have changed, they have their own wants and needs and, well, they’re not your soldiers. They don’t listen like your soldiers have to. The noise and the chaos and the constant needs are really tough to get used to again, so I think Trent just ran away because it was too much to deal with.

Since this is such an emotionally charged story, was it difficult for you to write?  Or did it come easily?

It was very, very difficult to write. I wanted to push boundaries and create at least a glimpse of what it’s like to come home. I wanted to give readers a taste of the emotions that people go through, the fear, the uncertainty but also the love and the hope and the relief that their loved one is home safe.

Since you’ve been in Trent’s shoes, what is the hardest thing about readjusting to civilian life after a deployment?

The crowds and the entitlement. To this day, I won’t go into crowded stores or wait in crowds. It’s suffocating. And it’s funny because when I first came home, I was so annoyed at people complaining about lines and traffic and school starting. I was just so grateful to be back. Now, I’m much more sympathetic to everyday gripes and groans. I think it’s just part of how we get through our days.

The most absurd commercial?

A question, Musings, Stuff, Technology, , , ,

I’ve seen a lot of idiotic commercials on television–the Cialis bath tubs, for example–but a recent commercial makes me worry.  Perhaps we shouldn’t allow people who believe they can do whatever is done on television to ever leave their homes.  Ever.

smart car on trainThe one I’m talking about is an automobile commercial in which the driver zooms up a ramp.   The speed and angle of the car allow it to become airborne.  It lands on the top of a train.  A warning at the bottom of the screen says, “Fantasy.  Do not try this.”  If that’s not enough, the next warning reads:  “Fantasy.  Do not try this.  Cars cannot land on trains.”    Do people really not know this?    Again, if they don’t, they should not be allowed out on the street on foot or in any kind of vehicle.

What’s the most absurd commercial you’ve seen?  I’d like to know.

Also, as I searched for a picture, I couldn’t find one of a car on top of a train.   That lack tells me that, really, people seem to know this is not true.  All I could find is a car INSIDE a train (above) which, I’m fairly sure is fantasy as well but it was the best I could do.