Guest blogging today is my husband, Rev. George B. Perrine III, a really nice guy, terrific minister, and my inspiration.  Take it away, George!  The blog is yours.

What They Don’t Teach You in Seminary

I.              Extension Cords

So here’s how it really works in churches:  Mary Lou is about to teach an adult class on the weekend and she has a projector to show her slides.  The only wall in the classroom on which she can project her pictures is the wall with the electrical outlet so Mary Lou needs an extension cord.  She finds one but it’s plugged into the coffee maker in the hall.  Since no one is using the coffee maker, Mary Lou borrows the extension cord and her class get to see her slides of Hawaii.  Question: Does Mary Lou put the cord back?  Of course not.  Here is Rule 1: in a church everything belongs to everyone and no one needs to put it back.

The pastor comes in very early Sunday morning and is desperate for a cup of coffee  but the extension cord to the coffee maker is missing so he borrows the cord to the church secretary’s radio (she is not in the building on Sunday anyway).  He makes his coffee, and does he put the cord back?  Of course not, see rule 1.

On Monday morning the secretary comes in and turns on the farm and market report on her radio but it doesn’t come on because her extension cord is gone.  So she borrows the extension cord in the pulpit which provides power to the light the pastor uses to read his sermon notes.  See rule 1 again.

The next Sunday morning the property chairman who is responsible to turn on the light on the pulpit finds there is no extension cord and he searches and finds one in a classroom attached to a projector.  The pastor has a light to bring Light to the worshippers and all is well.  Rule 1 has worked again.

Rule 1 also applies to masking tape, staplers and pens.  Pastors, you know the big drawer on the side on your desk which holds files?  In the back of that drawer is a big hole behind the files.  The wise pastor keeps a supply of extension cords, masking tape, staplers and pens in that hole, and he/she knows that once given out, they will never come back so the pastor never, never tells where they are!  Is that unchristian?  Well, do you want to read your sermon notes on Sunday morning?