I am the grammar cop, judge and jury

Keep calmStep away from the keyboard now!  Put down the mouse.  You are guilty of bad grammar and your computer privileges have been suspended   until you learn how to use apostrophes.   I have the power to pass this sentence on you because I am not only part of the grammar police, I am a grammar judge.

Oh, I wish I could punished people for bad grammar but it doesn’t work.  Over and over people misuse adverbs, have no idea the difference between the objective and the subjective pronouns, and have to be told over and over to set  off  a noun of direct address with commas.    And they use hopefully  when they really mean I hope. 

I hate to admit it but when I was a teacher, I roamed the hallways with a huge marker and correct the signs students made  about football games and meetings and whatever.  I did this because I could not stand to walk by the same poster over and over that misused commas.

But reality has balanced out that addiction to correct bad grammar. sort of, but it still bothers me.    I have learned to ignore, “My mother made a blanket for my daughter and I.”   Oh, inside I scream, “She didn’t make the blanket for I!  She made it for ME!  For my daughter and ME.”   But, outside, I’m serene and accepting.    I hate it when someone states, “You need to speaker louder.”  No!  An adverb modifies a verb.  How do you need to speak?  More loudly!  More loudly!  More loudly .”   Excuse me while I breathe deepLY and calm down.

Don’t get me started on “hopefully”.   As an adverb, it modifies a verb (as mentioned before) noun and means “with hope” as inhopefully“The dog gazed hopefully at the treat in my hand.”   WITH HOPE that he’d get the snack.    “Hopefully, we will all sleep late.”   No, we do NOT sleep hopefully!   Correct:  We hope we’ll sleep late.”

For my peace of mind, I’ve had to give up.  Language changes.  I remember back when I was in seventh grade and taught “I shall” was correct.

Yes, I have to accept, but I don’t like it and I’m going to keep my marker handy.  Watch out and speak correctly!

 

4 thoughts on “I am the grammar cop, judge and jury

  1. Jane, if you ever seen anything wrong with my writing, you just go ahead and correct it. Whip out the biggest, reddest marker you can find and scribble all over the place. I would be pickled pink to: 1) have someone actually read what I’m writing and 2) care enough to devote some time to help me become a better writer. I honestly cannot remember high school grammar lessons and with all the writing classes I took in graduate school, you’d think I’d be a wiz – nope.

  2. Most editors aren’t as obsessed as I am–thank goodness because I’m dyslexic and although I know the rules, I don’t see my mistakes. I’m auctioning off a 50-page critique next meeting and, if you win, I promise you I’ll correct everything! Or suggest changes.

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